Surviving the Undead in Style: A Knight’s Guide to Zombicide: Black Plague
, by Nicholas Jones, 6 min reading time
In the annals of board game history, where dragons lurk and maidens - unfortunately - still wait for rescue, there exists a beast so fierce, so relentless, that it has come back from the dead just to ruin your weekend. Yes, friends, we’re talking about Zombicide: Black Plague, where the dead are as common as a flat ale and as welcome as in-laws at your honeymoon.
Chapter One: So, What’s the Deal with the Black Plague?
Zombicide: Black Plague is what happens when a group of history buffs get together, decide they miss the Middle Ages (disease, filth, and all), but think, "You know what this era needs? More zombies!" It's like someone at the design meeting shouted, "Let's add necromancy to the misery," and everyone just went with it.
Chapter Two: Selecting Your Hero (Or How to Choose Your Doomed Alter Ego)
Choosing your hero in Zombicide: Black Plague is a process of self-reflection. You must ask yourself deep, personal questions, such as, "Do I fancy cleaving undead skulls as a barbarian, or would I rather be shooting arrows while sporting a fabulous hat?" Each character comes with their own set of skills, backstory, and fashion sense, so choose wisely, or as wisely as one can when preparing to confront the literal legions of death.
Chapter Three: Setting Up (The Part Before the Scream-Fest)
Setting up this game is an exercise in patience. You’ve got tiles, miniatures, cards, tokens, and more pieces than King Arthur had knights. Lay them out with the care of a monk transcribing a manuscript if that monk had the Sword of Damocles hanging over him, in the form of a 13-year-old nephew who wants to "just start already."
Chapter Four: Kick Off Your Adventure (Shall We Begin the Doom?)
The game begins with an optimism as bright as a newly polished suit of armor, which lasts exactly until the first zombie spawn. Your quest is simple: work together to complete objectives and survive. How quaint! It's all fun and games until someone opens a door and unleashes a horde of zombies who were apparently just waiting for a medieval rave to start.
Chapter Five: Rolling the Dice (Because Fate Has a Sense of Humor)
Combat is as straightforward as a jousting lance to the face. You roll dice to attack, hoping your barbarian can stop knitting and start swinging. The dice rolls are where fate decides to remind you of every bad thing you’ve ever done, like that time you “borrowed” your sister's diary for “research.”
Chapter Six: The Zombie’s Turn (When Your Past Meals Come Back for You)
When the zombies take their turn, it's like watching your diet plans encounter a buffet. The undead move and attack with the single-mindedness of a toddler pursuing a pigeon. And when the necromancer shows up, it's time to reconsider all your life choices that led to this moment.
Chapter Seven: Leveling Up (Or Getting New Ways to Die)
Surviving in Zombicide means leveling up, which is like updating your medieval LinkedIn profile with "Survived Another Day: Can Kinda Use a Crossbow Now." Each level brings new skills, like being able to murder three zombies in one go instead of the usual “swing and pray” technique.
Chapter Eight: Searching for Loot (Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Treasure Hunt?)
Looting is essential in this game, and it’s also a great way to find new ways to postpone your inevitable demise. You might find a spell that turns zombies into chicken soup, or more likely, a piece of equipment that’s as useful as chainmail at a swimming contest.
Chapter Nine: Let’s Talk Tactics (Because Running in Screaming Isn’t Always Enough)
Tactics in Zombicide range from the "brave Sir Robin ran away" strategy to the "hold the door" heroics that would make even Hodor proud. Teamwork is key, much like it is when coordinating with your family to clean the house (we all know how well that goes).
Chapter Ten: Winning the Game (AKA Delaying the Inevitable)
Winning Zombicide: Black Plague feels as rare as a pay-raise from your feudal lord. It’s a moment of pure ecstasy, like finding out the plague doctor actually cured something instead of just looking bird-cool. Celebrate your victory! For tomorrow, we may dine in hell, or at least in the dining room with Aunt Gertrude and her six cats.
Chapter Eleven: If You Lose (Group Hug in the Shower Tonight)
Losing Zombicide is as easy as falling off a log. A log that's also on fire and full of spiders. But take heart! Even in defeat, there’s camaraderie, which is just a fancy word for shared trauma. Gather your friends, dry your tears, and remember, the real treasure was the screams we shared along the way.
Chapter Twelve: House Rules (Because Chaos Is a Ladder)
Some might say adding house rules is like rewriting the Magna Carta, but they can add flavor to the game, like sprinkling herbs on a stew made of your failures. Want to play in total silence with only hand signals? Good luck with Uncle Rob, whose idea of a “whisper” is a stage shout.
In Conclusion
Zombicide: Black Plague is a co-op game that tests friendships, patience, and the structural integrity of your dining table under the weight of miniature zombies. It’s a hilarious blend of strategy, luck, and pretending you’re not scared of little plastic monsters. So gather 'round the table, sharpen your plastic swords, and prepare for an evening of laughter, terror, and possibly flipping the game board in despair. It’s going to be a bumpy, hilarious ride through the zombie-infested middle ages!
